Daria, Dasha, Dashenka, Dashka

Daria took ten breaths, then described everything after closing her eyes. I stopped for a moment at the door, only to wake up afterwards at a lake where an alligator watched me from afar. I let my body sink and in a short flash he tore me in half: I was in his belly. Darkness can be a space where a tongue swims or a surface where nameless bodies bubble. “Whether all grow black, or all grow bright, or all remain grey, it is grey we need, to begin with, because of what it is, and of what it can do, made of bright and black, able to shed the former, or the latter, and be the latter or the former alone. But perhaps I am the prey, on the subject of grey, in the grey, to delusions.”(1) Floating pieces of things and more things that don’t exist. “Form as formation makes something pulse, something it presents and removes at the same time, awakening a vision that isn’t satisfied with what it sees, a vision that must reconstruct, reformat incessantly what it sees”(2) .It was something like that of an omelet, or a vomit. Dasha faced inwards and outwards at the same time. An ectoplasm is an ethereal substance that gains matter as it is externalized, it is said that only Mediums have that aptitude. In order to speak of everything at once, not speaking is necessary, let it go through. I went on making a map but I don’t know where it leads and I think it helps to walk through the middle. It seemed like Science. “In alchemy, Nigredo, or blackness, means putrefaction or decomposition. Nigredo is a latin word for darkness. it was adopted by the alchemists to designate alchemy’s first state: spiritual death. It is followed by the states Albedo (purification), Citrinitas (awakening) and Rubedo (illumination). Many alchemists believed that as a first step in the pathway to the philosopher’s stone all alchemical ingredients had to be cleansed and cooked extensively, to a uniform black matter”(3).  I like to think that in these drawings form and content surfaced together and informed one another. Dashenka was erasing some verbal characteristics and raising some nominal ones, or was it the other way around? No flags were held. Attention is a narrowed perception. In the beginning, it was nothing, just a fever. Obsession brings discipline, did you know that? Dashka brought structure to a frail order, didn’t want inside and outside anymore, wanted to blow warm and cold. “That which emerges from the process of becoming and disappearance, not the source but a whirlpool in the river of becoming [that] pulls the emerging matter into its own rhythm”(4). I think it was all by accident, but well, I keep digging about to see if I can find a cousin of mine around.

1. BECKETT, Samuel. The Innommable
2. DE MORAES, Marcelo Jacques. Georges Bataille e as formações do abjeto. https://periodicos.ufsc.br/index.php/Outra/article/viewFile/12586/11753
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigredo
4. BENJAMIN, Walter, Origine du drame baroque allemand.